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The little kid pointing an accusing finger at me is my nephew. I took my niece and nephews to a children’s park and promised them that Harry Potter would swoop out of the sky and give them each a pound of ice cream. After standing in the sweltering sun smelling elephant turds for an hour this little tyke ran to mommy to accuse me of false advertising. Little kids will believe anything! Ha ha ha ha ha ha!!!

The kids park has a “Barefoot Garden”. Basically you walk around on these pointy rocks in order to stimulate your circulation. It’s excruciating. I don’t think the design means anything but each color is a different size of rock. The big rocks are the most painful.

Animal exhibits are scattered throughout the park. There are a lot of monkeys in an enclosure next to this tiger. I stood around for a while hoping that a monkey would get into the tiger pit but nothing that I want ever happens.  Nature is so stupid.

Weird statue. Somehow this little kid’s weenie fell off.

I saw this on a subway sign…

I can’t read Korean but I think the gist of this is that if you’re suddenly overwhelmed with misery during your commute to work you can simply put a bag over your head to end the pain.

The subway in Seoul is kind of great. It goes everywhere. It’s immaculate. Trains run constantly. Also all the signs have English subtitles and when you pull into a station a voice announces where you are and where you’re going in placid British English. Sometimes the trains are crowded. But noone makes a peep. Peope don’t even talk on their cellphones. Everyone faces out and eye contact is highly unusual. When I lived in Jersey City I would put on my “Subway Face”. This was a stony mask of hostility meant to repel pan handlers and gropers. In Seoul people don’t have subway face. It’s not necessary because Korean people are so naturally reserved.

Some of the subway platforms are remarkably unaccessible for handicapped people. The platform I go to in Junggye doesn’t have a ramp for wheelchairs. Old people have a problem with these stairs. The next time I see an old lady toddling down these stairs I’m going to yell “slide the rail granny!” and give her a helpful nudge.

I take the 7 line to the 2 line. When you transfer to the 2 there is a mad dash to get up the escalators and a human cork forms at the mouth of the escalator. It’s like a mosh pit. If you can’t feel the ground anymore just relax and ride it out.

When you finally cut the corner you end up on an extremely long and steep escalator. When I took this picture I leaned back and almost fell backwards on the people behind me. That would have been fun.

I saw this ad on a subway platform and it amuses me on many different levels. Hey dude! What do you want to eat?  I really feel like Boor homey.

I think “gu” is like a district. My parents live in Nowon-gu. It’s in the North-East part of Seoul.

On garbage day everyone in the apartment complex comes down and separates their garbage. Inexplicably there is a separate bin for yogurt containers.

Check out the size of these garbage bags. You could probably fit seven or eight people in one of these bad boys. I sat around for a while waiting to see how they would lift the bag into a truck but I got bored. Also, it’s crazy hot and humid here and sitting in the sun is like having someone pour hot wax down your shirt.

I like cake. Maybe I’d like Cake House. I wanted to go in here and be all, “So what exactly do you sell here?”. But when I opened the door the guy behind the counter was loudly berating his assistant. Because I’m so sensitive to social awkwardness I decided to leave.

I took cover on a shady part of the street. It smelled foul but at least it wasn’t hot. Apropos of nothing (that phrase should be on my tombstone) when you wait for a walk signal here, instead of a little white man signalling that it’s okay to cross, there is a jaunty little green man. When you can’t cross a stern red man with arms akimbo appears.

Here’s a picture of a big-ass hill. I think I may have climbed it once a few years ago. If you climb high enough pretty soon there’s no more path and then you’re clawing your way up the side of a mountain by hanging onto tree roots and whatnot. Then you arrive at this buddhist monastery which is basically dug into the side of a hill. I absolutely do not have the gas to climb that sucker again. You have to take my word for it.

I’m in Korea.  It was a pretty easy flight.  I was already exhausted when I stepped onto the plane so I fell asleep the moment I sat down and then stayed asleep for nine hours.  When I woke up we were only four hours from Seoul.  Sweet.  I was stiff as a mother though.  I had a momentary panic when I couldn’t stretch out my leg.  I thought I had DVT or something.

For breakfast Asiana served octopus in red pepper paste sauce.  It was pungent.  Afterwards I was furtively smelling my breath and I can tell you it was heinous.  Luckily I remembered to bring a toothbrush.   The guy sitting next to me was the original 98 pound weakling.  His shoulders were narrower than his hips which was kind of great because it was as though a broom handle was leaning up in the seat next to me.  If it weren’t for his octopus breath I wouldn’t have even known anyone was there.

After landing at Incheon I sat around for an hour waiting for the bus to Nowon-gu.  It cost 14 dollars which is really cheap.  While I was waiting for the bus I amused myself by taking pictures of people’s suitcases.

I got off the bus and didn’t have a clue where to go.  Then I saw a big landmark I remembered and was able to find the school where my mom and dad work.   I lurked in the trees like a deadly assassin while I waited for my mommy to come and get me.

Finally I got to my parents’ apartment in Seoul.  They live in this teeming warren of apartments.  Although Nowon is sort of like a suburb, essentially all of the housing is like this.  Seoul has very little space for all the people.